Thoughts From One Of The Female Readers On Why She Wants To Be Taller

Since the website started, I’ve gotten messages from dozens of people who have written their entire life story on how they dealt with the insecurity of feeling smaller than others. Most of them have been from young teenager men, who compare themselves to their school peers and wish to be more attractive to the female gender. However, there are also a few females who have messaged me.

This message was left by a person who calls herself “Z**” months ago.

Submitted on 2014/03/08 at 9:24 am

This was an interesting post. i can relate to the retired man who never gave up on his quest to be taller. Though I am a female, 30, i too never gave up. My obsession with being taller began around 15 or 16 when i wanted to be a model. I had been wearing about 2.5″ lifts from that age until I was about 22 until my foot started to hurt and wearing lifts were so inconvenient. They were hard to walk on and I could never go to someone’s home or do anythign that required me to take my shoes off or it would “expose” me. People who knew me then that i havent seen still think that I am really 5’7″.

For some girls, they move on and get over it, but i was really obssessed and never stopped wanting to be a model even now, when I am well past the age of when typical models are “discovered”. Ive also wanted to be taller because I think taller makes you stand out. I stand at 5’4, if i stand super straight then maybe about an extra half inch. I wear one inch lifts out, and to be honest, I dont feel that i am very short. I usually feel on the small side to average side however i think now, though i have not fully accepted my height still, i am also much more comfortabel with it. Anytimne i meet other people , i size them up by their height and see how much taller or shorter i am in comparison. I never leave the house without about an inch to one and a half inch in lifts, which is honestly hardly a difference when you take your shoes off. I think it is more of a mental thing where it just makes me feel better. Well, basically my point is, yes there are people who have never been able to let go of this, and after 15 years, i still search that there is hope that i can gain a few more inches.

My reply

Z**,

I wanted to ask this question to a female, since height issues effect mainly men. How or why did this issue manifest for you? Was it from some insecurity issue from a younger age or something? Being 5′ 4″ is actually quite average for height. 

(Notice how she mentions that she is 5′ 4″ which is actually quite average for american females.)

Her Next Message to Me…

Hello,

I just noticed your email today! Sure, I’d love to give you a response to your questions.

How or why did this issue manifest for me?

I think it started when I was around 14, I just had this obsession of wanting to be a model, and models are tall (5’8 +). I remember in high school admiring all the tall girls and thinking how I wished I could be just like them. I also associated being tall with just being better than others for some reason. i thought that you stand out more, you are prettier, glamorous etc. I never stopped wanting to be a model, even now when it is quite unattainable at my age. I think this has caused an insecurity that just never left me, and I am 30 now. I started wearing lifts in high school and by the time I was in college my lifts were as high as 2.5″-3″. No one has ever known that I wore lifts. It affected all aspects of my life, from being in social situations to personal relationships to doing any activities and figuring out which shoes to wear going through airport security is always a nightmare haha. As a result, I think I became even more introverted as i would have to avoid certain situations that required shoes to be taken off. I previously traveled and lived in T***** recently and was there for 4 years. During this time, I started to wear lower lifts because it just became impractical with all the walking and traveling. I think this helped me too to accept my height a little more. I was quite surprised by the height disparity there.

Tall girls (around 5’7) are just as common as very short girls( under 5’2 or so). In fact, I found people around the 5’4-5’5 range to be less common.

Thank you for saying that 5’4 is actually quite average for a girl’s height, but I do feel like a shrimp often, especially I notice caucasion women are often a bit taller. Well, sometimes I also notice that I am taller than most of the other girls in a room. Like i said in my previous email as well, I have somewhat accepted my height, somewhat. At least, I am more comfortable with my height, though I never leave the door without at least 1″ lifts, which is sometimes ridiculous as I don’t think it makes much of a difference, but I think it just makes me feel better knowing that there is something in my shoes.

I also know it is rare that height complexes usually affect men not women. It has greatly affected me and caused me to be super insecure and I missed out on many opportunities throughout life. Ive obsessed about it since the age I was 14. I had tried many experiments to see if I could gain a few inches including hanging upside down and sitting with weights. All failed. Again, it is much better now, though I still care and probably always will try and do anything to gain even an extra inch. I wish I could tell other people to not obsess about their height, it is just not worth it. Just go live your life to its fullest, but I suppose it is a mental thing and  it is easier said than done.

Please let me know if you have any other questions, I am happy to share my experience especially if it can help others!

Regards,

Z**

I asked her for permission to publish her messages and she agreed, on the condition that I change her name and the names of places she has visited. I complied on that wish.

Based on the way she compared herself to “caucasian” women I would assume maybe she is not caucasian, and maybe african american or east asian or south asian or hispanic in race/ethnicity. Race does play a difference in how she views herself. Based on averages of different sub-set of human groups, if she is a hispanic or asian female, being 5′ 4″ would definitely make her NOT short.

She seems to have lived abroad in another country for a few years and the differences of the height in the two countries might have given her another perspective, and maybe even made her feel more accepting of how tall she is. She admits that now she doesn’t try to wear shoes with too high of a heel.

We are very happy that she has managed to get her internal demons exorcised a little bit. If she still feels like she will always need that extra 1 inch of height to give her a little more confidence in social situations, then more power to her. As long as she is not hurting anyone else or herself from her habits and behavior, we will always support her on what she does.